By ESTHER J. CEPEDA
CHICAGO -- For whoever needs to hear this: We're in the middle of a global pandemic -- it's OK to cut yourself some slack.
And if that means you let your children largely ignore their distance/electronic learning, well, then so be it.
That may be a shocking thing to hear from a professional educator. In the minds of some, every parent in America must move mountains to ensure their kids get online at the appointed times to do whatever work their passionate and dedicated teachers -- who probably have their own kids at home to tend to - have painstakingly put together for their students.
Lord knows that my husband, a high school teacher, is busting his tail to provide rigorous, high-quality lessons, assignments and resources for his students. But even with all the stops that he's pulled out, only about a quarter of his students are engaged.
Unless a family is fully resourced with an in-home caregiver who has no other responsibilities other than to help with household tasks, broadband internet access, an extra computer or tablet for their children, loads of toys, books, arts and crafts materials, and no worries about having enough money to eat or keep the lights on, parents shouldn't feel bad about not homeschooling their kids right now.
Sure, this is the right moment to reflect upon all that teachers do, how hard they work to make school fun, meaningful and safe, what a huge burden they take off families during the day so life stuff can be managed, and how little they're paid for their highly skilled work.
(If you're really into this, please check out this article, "26 Tweets from Quarantined Parents that Prove How Underpaid Teachers Are" on the educator site We Are Teachers https://www.weareteachers.com/tweets-quarantined-parents/ -- it's spot on!)
But it's an even better time to think about how -- back when life didn't revolve around avoiding a life-threatening virus -- lower-income families were panned for not cultivating their children for college the way the middle class did.
Remember how much looking down their noses academics did at under-resourced parents with their talk of the 30-million-word gap between children living in poverty and higher-income kids? How many times did we hear that educational disparities from kindergarten through high school rested on low-income parents because they tend not to speak to their children as much in the first years of life?
It's hard to master the serve-and-return style of dialogue with babies and young kids when you're hungry and don't have adequate shelter. Or when your low-wage job offers only erratic hours and you don't have access to reliable public transportation or even the most basic things in life, like health care.
Here is a plaintive wail from my Twitter pal, Jesse Thorn, who, with his wife Theresa, runs the Maximum Fun podcast community:
"My wife and I are in an extraordinarily privileged position -- both able to work from home, plenty of internet and devices. ... Keeping kids engaged in school while also trying to work is an absolute nightmare. Our school-aged kids are neurodiverse, and we're trying to get them their services over video, trying to keep them engaged in schoolwork and trying to do all this while a 3 year old runs around screaming. It's brutal. I don't have an answer, but I don't blame ANY parents. ... This is not a digital divide issue, this is an issue with parents being asked to work and be full-time caretakers with no break, simultaneously. For some older kids, maybe that's possible. In families with stay-at-home parents, maybe. For most, something's gotta give. Top priorities: 1) Feed, house and love children. 2) Keep everyone home and safe. 3) whatever else, because if you can figure out the first two, you are winning at pandemic parenting."
As I told another despondent soul who lamented on social media that she had to tell her son's first-grade teacher that he just can't participate because her family life has become insanity: It's OK. Parents are the experts on their children, and they get to decide what they're able to do for their kids during this national crisis.
I'm not letting people who are actually neglectful of their children off the hook. Obviously, they weren't doing a good job before COVID-19 and they won't be stepping up now.
But can we please all come out of this emergency with empathy for parents with few resources?
Esther Cepeda's email address is [email protected] or follow her on Twitter @estherjcepeda.
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